Today was hard. I dont know what made it so different. It just hurt.
Everything reminded me of him. People wearing the same aftershave, people that looked like him or even seeing his favourite singers album in the cd store.
It all hurt. It made my chest ache. It made me feel sick. And what hurts me the most is all the things i know ive forgotten. Our jokes. Our talks. The way he looked. It hurts most that i cant even picture his face in my mind anymore. It feels like it was all just a dream. Like me and him never had a connection, but i know it was there.
I hope every day that he will call me or IM me. Telling me that he loved me and missed me, that there was some great explanation for doing what he did. I come up with all these different scenarios in my head of how he might do it. But im not stupid eough to actually believe it will happen.
I feel like im not actually living my life. Im just sort of drifting tthrough it. Everyday feeling nothing. Im not sad or angry or happy, just empty. It worries me. I dont see a future when i try to picture one and that scares me to death (no pun intended.)
Sometime the people who seem the strongest, are the ones that are falling apart.
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