you had a lot of moment that didnt last forever..

Have you ever been blamed for someone elses unhappiness?
if you have, put your hand up.. If you havent, then you deffinitly will not understand. And i am not just talking about someones temporary unhappiness. No. I mean someones forever happiness. Im talking about from the moment that you are born until the day you die, they will blame you. Any hands still up? Mine is.

See, i was born on a day, in a month, in a year. It is my birthday. But also, more importantly. On that day, in that month and in that year, my brother, my very own brother, decided that he had been forgotten. That no one longer cared for him. He was invisible. He was unhappy. And because of that happening on that day, it is my fault. How unfair is it to blame your own sister, for your unhappiness? Especially, when all shes ever done is tried to be a good sister to you.
Now there is something you should know about me and good old J. We are 15 years and 11 months apart. So it is not like i wrecked his childhood. By the time i came along, his childhood was over. He was an adult. And he pushed my family away, pushed us to the borderline, so we are still here, but i fear, on the verge of falling.

For years, he didnt even live in the same country as us. He never comes to visit, were always the ones to make the effort. And since my 13th birthday dinner he either doesnt come to them, accidentally books a christening on it (which i am forced to attend), or just plain refuses to go unless its at the place where he wants it. Now at the time, these all seemed unreasonable, but i put up with it. But now i realise why he did it, and why he does so many other things, its quite plain and simple... he hates me. I am, and never will be good enough for him.

Now, J. This may be hard for you to undertsand, but really what are you doing to me? I am ever good enough, not for school, not for boys, not even for my friends, or mum and dad. And now, i am your reason for unhappiness. Did you think you saying that wouldnt effect me? Well, let me tell you. You just dug my hole a little deeper.

And see now i think of it. I believe your just waiting for the day you can completely push me out of your life. At the moment i am still here, because of mum and dad, but your just waiting until im old enough and you can completely ignore me, arent you? I guess deleting me off facebook was your first step. oh, and just so you know... your wifes a bitch.

Ai, J? Wanna know a secret? I still love you. You were an amazing brother.