And i wish i could just pick up the phone and call you. Tell you all about my life right now. Have you tell me its all gonna be okay. To make me smile. But, i cant. Honestly theres no point; you dont care about me anymore.

you're the smile on my face :)

Absolutely in love with justin biebers new album! Actually some of the cutest songs.

So the past two weeks have been work experience weeks, and its got me thinking so much about what i would like to be. What my dreams are, all that good stuff.

And honestly my dream is to travel the world, go to every country in it. To meet as many different people as i possibly can in one life time. To make a difference in as many lives as i can. To see everything. To fall in love and know the true meaning of it. To just enjoy every second. To taste real italian food, and real greek food and hell; just alot of food. To do things that are crazy and break the law, and be scared and happy and sad and every extreme. I just want it all. I want to die, knowing i did everything possible. That i fit as much adventure, and love and people into my life as possible. To know it was all worth it.

Hiding under the covers; with noone else to blame.

A couple of months ago, my brother blamed me for everything bad in his life since the day I was born. And can I just say; when someone tells you that, it hurts.

It's 12:21am. I have school tomorrow. But I can't sleep. I'm crying and it sucks. I've felt like there's something missing lately. I've been talking to guys and flirting with them because it makes me feel wanted. Loved even. And I know that's horrible. I do.

I really just wanted to talk to someone tonight, so I inboxed a close friend. I told him I was having a bad night. And instead of asking me if I was okay or what was wrong, he told me about how much he hated his family because they were disappointed he failed his exams. And after I'd listened, he said he was going to bed and he was thankful I was such a good friend. Fuck you 'friend'.

Tonight, there going to be no hopeful twist on the end of the post. No little happy final sentence; because well, frankly, I can't be bothered.

You think he took the light out of me, but what if he didnt? What if it wasnt him?

Keep me where the light is

I dont understand. Whats wrong with this world? Whats wrong with the poeple in it?

Fuck it all. Fuck boys. Fuck depression. Fuck body issues. Fuck school. Fuck poverty. Fuck families. Fuck brothers who dont care. Fuck people giving up on you. Fuck lonliness. Fuck homework and maths youll never need. Fuck the future and the dreams you know wont come true. Fuck your past and everything in it. Fuck world hunger. Fuck teachers. Fuck selfishness. Fuck politicians. Fuck happiness, that never comes. Fuck never being niticed. Fuck feeling empty. Fuck it all.

I just cant do it anymore.

Its a big, big world, and im gonna show you all of it.

Sometimes you just need the world to stop. To just pause for a while. To give you time to think. To take in the world and all that's happening in it. To run away from a life you hate.

This life is hard and lonely. And sometimes you begin to wonder if it truly has a purpose.

Our lives mean nothing in the long run. In a hundred to two hundred years will anyone remember your name? You could become the next Audrey Hepburn or Leonardo dicaprio, but after a while everyone will forget what you did in this world. You may find the cure to cancer, but maybe only a couple of years later someone will out do you, and you won't matter anymore. Our lives mean nothing... But, I don't think that should stop you from trying to become and accomplish everything possible. After all, you are the one that will look back on your life in your dying moments and have to be somewhat happy with what you see.




My brother finally did it. He's never coming back. I don't know what to do anymore.

Have you ever been alone in a crowded room?

Its when your heart just aches because you feel too much. And its so much worse than physical pain because its so hard to get rid of. You only have one feeling and thats sadness, and all you do is cry because it all seems so hopeless. You cry yourself to sleep at night, abd then in the morning you get up, put your uniform and makeup on and head off to school. Dressed like everyone else, blending into the crowed. You smile and laugh and be loud and out there; because well lets face it... No one ever expects the ones that seem so god damn happy.

And then there are those other days. Theyre worse than the ones full of overwhelming sadness. There the days when you feel nothing, because youd rather feel sadness then nothjng at all. To feel like there is no life left in you. To feel as though its all been taken away, leaving your bodu empty. And you cant cry, or be sad. Just nothing. And nothing is what can hurt you the most.