sitting at school today and noticing a friend has cuts on her thigh.
Ohh, may you precious girl. I love you so much. you were the normal one in our group, the happy one.
You know, from when we are little we are told that this is such a wonderful world. our parents read us stories like cinderella and snow white, and make us think that prince charmings and happy endings exist. We're taught that we can do anything, but as you get older, you realise you you're not capable of half the things we want to do. we realise that we will never be good enough, no matter what. were made to think that this is a place full of happiness, but you want to know something, its fucking not. not even close there is no magic in this world, and i think once you realise that, theres no going back... your entire world changes.
i realised this a very, very long time ago. Love is a form of magic. So, do i believe in love? I have absolutely no idea. Ive had people ask me before, and i always answer no. Why? Well i've never felt it and as far as im concerned i've never seen it. I need to see it to believe it. People don't understand how i can't believe in love, its simple. Everyone that was suppost to love me, hurt me. And maybe thats how love works, but it shouldnt. So until someone loves me and doesnt hurt me, love does not exist. But, before you judge me, you should know that doesnt mean i dont have hope. I wish and hope every day that love exists.
And what about happiness? do i believe in that? Hell, yes. Its just that i havent felt it in a while. Im sort of drifting through life at the moment, not getting involved with anything or anyone. Im here, but at the same time, im not. Confusing right? I dont know, maybe theres someone out there reading this and understanding exactly how i feel. Maybe. Thats if anyone actually reads this of course. Its scary to think maybe people do, because on this blog im not only giving away my own feelings and secrets, im giving away others aswell. Maybe i should do that. Maybe i should just stop writing all of this. But it helps, and those moments when ive just balled my eyes out and thoughts are running through my mind, its a good place to get them all out.
Please dont judge me, and if you do read this blog could you please comment, just so i know if im writing to no one or not.
